


24 Floors

by WinchesterTommo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressed Dean, Depression, If you look really hard there's some implied destiel, Other, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4643364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterTommo/pseuds/WinchesterTommo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically a fic based off of the song 24 Floors by The Maine. Set after season 10</p>
            </blockquote>





	24 Floors

Dean shakily paced around the hotel room, a beer in one hand. He brought his free hand up to his hair and ran his fingers through it. His breathing was uneven and his heart was heavy. He looked over to the balcony doors and took a hesitant step in their direction. His hesitant steps turned to determine ones as his misfortunes played in his mind over and over again. The things he'd done, the people he hurt; they became a chant in his head, beckoning him out into the cold air as he opened the balcony doors. He walked out and ignored the chill he felt as he neared the edge. He closed his eyes and let the thoughts of everything wrong with him consume him. He wasn't a good person, he'd always known that. But he used to believe doing good things out weighed that. Then he started to do these bad things and it didn't matter anymore. 

You deserve this. You deserve this after everything you've done. You don't deserve to live. 

His mind told him to do it. To jump. He opened his eyes and looked up. He was met with all these beautiful stars. Beautiful stars and beautiful scenery in a place that not deserve to have a monster like Dean living in it. 

He looked down and saw the cars passing. So many people, oblivious, consumed in their petty issues. All those people and none of them could stop the bad. The bad that other people caused, the bad the things Dean hunted caused, the bad Dean had caused. 

Dean closes his eyes again and thinks of Sam. Sam would be torn up about losing Dean and Dean knew it. But for once Dean didn't care. He tried time after time to be selfless with Sam but it never happened. Sam always got hurt anyway, so what was the point? One last selfish act and it would be over. Sam would be better off in the end. Dean opens his eyes and looks back to the note sitting on the table. He had addressed it to Cas. He wanted Cas to tell Sam he died in a hunting accident. He wanted Sam to remember him to be braver than he actually was. Then maybe Sam will be able to move one with his life. 

Dean closes his eyes and sees his brother's face. He thinks of the times they'd shared together. The places they've been. He lets all the good take over for a moment. The more good he lets in the more clearly he sees Sam's face. 

Dean takes a deep breath, hesitating as he grabs onto the railing. Suddenly Sam's voice is in Dean's head. He's hearing what Sam would say. He'd tell Dean he didn't want to die. He'd tell him to think it through. He'd remind him how precious life is. And for a moment Dean holds onto that. Those words. Everything else is gone and it's just Sam and the good of Dean's life and it's bliss. But then it's gone. 

Suddenly Dean is overwhelming aware of everything. The railing under his hands is colder than a moment ago and the ground is more solid. The wind whipping his face is icier and the hole in his stomach is emptier than before. Dean feels like he's living some vivid dream. 

Dean hears the tv in the room going. It's the news. The gloomy reports of death are expected with the way the world is. It's how things are. Dean finds it kind of fitting that out of everything it could've been on the tv, it's the news. It's a harsh reminder of the crap world he's stuck in and Dean takes it as a sign.

Dean climbs onto the railing, balancing his feet on the cold surface. Listening to the tv's sound, Dean's so close to doing it. To taking that step. So close to ending it all. But somehow he's seeing someone else. He's seeing familiar blue eyes and hearing a gravelly voice that can only be described as sounding like home. Right there in that moment it feels like Cas is right there next to Dean. 

Dean remembers the last time he felt like this. He remembers wanting to say yes to Michael so damn bad. For it to be over. But Cas was there then, too. He knew what to do to get Dean back on the right path. And in those memories lie something that Dean desperately needs to get back on the right path. 

Suddenly Dean's hearing what Cas would say to him if he was here. He'd tell him he wasn't going to let him die tonight. He'd force him to think it through. He'd make him remember just how precious life is. He'd make him know that tonight is all there is. 

And suddenly Dean gets it. 

This is it. This is all there is. But that doesn't mean that he should give up. If this is all there is, he doesn't want to die. He doesn't want it to be over because he's not done making what there is count. 

These moments right here; they matter. Yeah, life can suck but it can also be amazing and delicate. Tomorrow could never exist for Dean, but that's not what Dean really wants. 

If this is all there is, Dean's gonna work with it. 

Dean climbs down from the railing, as his feet hit the ground he lets himself fall to his knees. He takes shaky breaths and lets himself recollect his thoughts before standing up. 

Dean walks back into the room, closing the balcony doors. He walks to the tv and shuts off. He grabs his stuff and his room key and walks to the door. His hand is still slightly shaking as he brings it up to the door knob. Taking one last deep breath, Dean opens the door. He steps out and looks back at the room one last time before shutting the door behind him, walking away and leaving this behind him. If this is all there is, Dean's glad he didn't let go of it.


End file.
